Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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