Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
