i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
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You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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