Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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