I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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