I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
