its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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