pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
