Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
