If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
