I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
