Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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