He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
