using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
