I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
