Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
