Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
