He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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