Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
