I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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