The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
