somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Randomize
