Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
