i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
