I am in a vortex of obligation.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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