naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
