i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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