Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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