To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
