I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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