Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
