yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
