I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it's great music for shaving your balls
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
