Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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