I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
