WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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