he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
