in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
