tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
