I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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