just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
