i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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