I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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