I can text with my tongue
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
