im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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