there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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