pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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