Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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