just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
