Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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