id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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