You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is my gift to your gina
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
