I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
