Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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