i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
