I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
