This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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