i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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