i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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