My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
