At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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