yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
