I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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