You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
