The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
