I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
